Life lesson via radio

So the past couple of weeks, months, etc have been interesting. Pretty much a total roller coaster ride starting in 2009. These past couple of weeks the roller coaster has pretty much been going down hill. And I haven't handled all of it in the best way.
I've tried and failed. Many times I just cried out in grief and frustration to God asking "Why me?". I've not been proud of the way I've handled these tough (for me) times. There are other people in the world going through so much worse than I am or ever have and their faith was strengthened by it. I've been a wimp, I'll admit it.
I just want for all this "bad stuff" to go away as fast as it can. I didn't want to wait any more for my prayers to be answered. I'm not proud of it but through most of the tough times, I've fought with God about my unresolved prayers instead of falling on my knees and praying to Him.
This morning I received an eye opener when I was listening to Scott and Kelly on Air1 (a Christian radio station) on my way into work. They played Barlow Girl's song "I believe in love". Although I've heard it before, listening to it this time really opened my eyes to the meaning of the song.

When I got into work I did a quick YouTube search for it and found a recorded video of them performing it at a concert. In the beginning of the video, they talk about their inspiration for this song and I got another eye opener.

We are like unrefined gold and God is the goldsmith. In order to make gold pure and valuable the unrefined material must be heated between 1,830°F and 2,010°F. The metals are separated through this and after a few more steps of fire and separation, the goldsmith has pure gold. When we go through trials and tribulations, things can get hot quick and life can be very uncomfortable. But we are in that fire because God is trying to refine us, to make us more pure. It is in our trials and tribulations where our character is formed where our relationship with the Lord becomes more pure. It is in these trials that we grow. Or at least it's supposed to be...
I've been through bad times before, many. In fact there is a whole year of my life where so many stressful and bad (at the time) things happened, that I don't even remember that year very well at all. And I think that for the most part, I did "good" I didn't struggle (much) and I was faithful in my devotions and walk with God.
But this time...
This time...
This time has been one of the toughest. I've been struggling with a desire/want that I hold very dear to my heart and I don't want to let it go. The more time passes and my prayers go unanswered, the deeper the hurt and pain. When I think of it, and all the time I've been struggling with it, it brings tears to my eyes. Lately, although I know I have many good friends out there praying for me, I've shed more tears over it than I have ever shed in my life.
I've been losing faith but I'm still struggling hard to hold on as best as I possibly can. I can't give up b/c that would cost me everything.

Lord will you please forgive me for holding on so tightly to the desires of my heart? I never thought that I would be tested about this for so long and I really don't know how much I can do. I know I can't and shouldn't fight you but it's become my defense mechanism. Please forgive me Lord for spending more time upset at you then running to you for comfort. You know the desire of my heart, You put it there. I pray Lord that you will answer this prayer. But I pray that it is done in your time. And if that means I have to wait another month, year, or 5 years please give me strength to be able to overcome it. I'm broken and I can't go on by myself anymore. I hurt too much to go at it alone.
Thank you so much for being a loving, caring and forgiving God. Please help me be a better Christian.

~Bethany

READERS: The video and lyrics are below. Please listen to the whole thing, if you can. The beginning of the video talks about their inspiration for the song and the lesson they learned from it. I also ask that you will please continue to keep me in your prayers. Thank you.



Barlow Girl - I Believe in Love

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and the silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and the silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, yeah
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe, I believe

Lyrics are on the youtube page

SLOW ME DOWN!!!!

So this week has been crazy busy! (More so at work than at home...) Just a very weird, chaotic, pretty much stressful week. So I think this song is very applicable for this week b/c I've totally felt like her. It's called Slow Me Down, by Emmy Rossum. And...
Thank you to my friends and family who've been there with me through the psycho-ness of this week. I couldn't have attempted to be able to finish it (the week) without you and your warm thoughts and words. :) Thank you so much. I love you all. ;)
I'm SO glad this week is almost over...

SKIP TO THE 35 SEC MARK B/C THE BEGINNING IS JUST ADVERTISING JUNK AND NOT THE ACTUAL SONG. (But it was the only embed able version I could find.)



Rushing and racing
and running in circles
Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere
My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world
I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart
Save me
Somebody take my hand, and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down
Sometimes I fear that I might dissapear
In the blur of fast forward I faulter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere
All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Passed me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart
Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down
Just show me
I need you to slow me down
The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down

Completely

I was asked to sing a special at church for Sunday morning service. I'm going to sing a song called completely by Ana Laura. It's about surrendering and giving everything up to God, which I've really been struggling with this year, especially when it comes to trying to conceive. So here's the song for you all to hear it. Ana Laura is performing it.

Yoga

So I've been taking Yoga classes now since mid-January and LOVE THEM!!!! It's a great way for me to go and destress and get all bendy. :) I always feel great when I'm done and I never want the class to end. My husband, on the other hand, does not share in my Yoga enthusiasm. Don't get me wrong, he's completely okay with me going but he has no desire to go and participate with me. Maybe he's not bendy enough? I don't know. :)
I don't always have the same teacher for every class and each teacher does different poses. Sometimes when I'm in class, I'm reminded of a stand-up act by Brian Regan. It's called Yoga Made Impossible. Very funny. Thought you might all enjoy it. :)

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Brian Regan - Yoga Made Impossible

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Tonight

To my One and Only... I love you so much. I'm so proud of you and all you do for this family. Thank you for being my anchor to hold onto when the winds of life try to blow me away.
I'll be thinking about you (and singing this song in my head) while I'm at work tonight. :) xoxo
~b



BE STILL by Schuyler Fisk
Hold my hand
My fingers are cold.
Don't say a word
Just hold me close.

Steetlight in through the curtains
Are just right,
So don't you move.
Tonight, tonight

Be Still
Be Still
Be Still
Be Still

I can't wait.
I think you wanna kiss me, and I
Won't look. Only listen.
The earth moves
And the ocean sways
Let the moon run out
If we could just stay
Tonight, tonight

Be Still
Be Still
Be Still
Be Still

'Cause even if I'm scared to fall
I'd rather love than loose it all
Then to never be loved..
I'd rather be loved.
Tonight, tonight

Be Still
Be Still
Be Still
Be Still

Be Still
Be Still
Be Still
Be Still (Don't You move)
Be Still (Don't You Move)

Be Still
Be Still

Cuore Assente

I love this song. If you, the reader, could actually read and understand the Italian lyrics and not listen to the song, you might ask: "Why in the world do you like this song? It's about a lost love." Well because I do. :) Yes it's about lost love/absent heart. But the song is not a sad sounding, depressed song. It is peppy and has a beat. It's a lost love but she's not going to cry and be sad about it, she's moved on. I have my one and only love right here and I am so blessed to be married to him. :)
BUT...
Back in the day, there were others and I experienced many a broken heart. So if you're still looking for your one and only this Valentine's Day week, take heart. Someday you will find each other and you will be stronger for dealing with all the frogs you met up with along the way.
AND...
Don't let the flirts, acting romantics, and players that you meet (and fall for) along the way get you down. If they can't respect you and appreciate you for who you are, drop em. It will be okay.
They are not the only fish in the sea. You can do much better than that. Because a guy like that doesn't deserve you.
When you get down, just sing the La La song. :)



Cuore Assente (The La La Song)
by Giusy Ferreri
E cerco le parole
Tra milioni di poesie ma
Trovo solamente il tuo cuore assente,
la la la.

Cè stato un tempo in cui ti dedicai
Tutta una vita intera di passione e di bugie
Che custodisco in queste lettere
Che leggerai attento senza mai comprendere
Chi non si pente ha un cuore assente
La la la.

Forse ho corso troppo forte in questa via
E sarò ingenua ma non credo sarà colpa mia
Se ho faticato lungo la salita
Cercando che la vita mi restasse amica e
Guardo il presente dal cuore assente
La la la..

Tu sei forte
Io debole
Sei distante
Sto con te
Non respiro
Tu non credi
Chiudo gli occhi e tu non vedi
Come sto e dove andrò
Lo sai tu
ma io no
Mentre forte mi nascondo
Fra la gente e il cuore assente
Tu vuoi capire queste parole
amore che muore
la la la..

Come sto e dove andrò
Lo sai tu
ma io no
Mentre forte mi nascondo
Fra la gente e il cuore assente
Tu vuoi capire queste parole
amore che muore

Who now will sing me lullabies?

I can't keep doing this. It hurts too much and I don't think I can handle anymore disappointment. It only leads to heart break. :(



Who Will Sing Me Lullabies? by Kate Rusby

Lay me down gently, lay me down low,
I fear I am broken and won't mend, I know.
One thing I ask when the stars light the skies,
Who now will sing me lullabies,
Oh who now will sing me lullabies.

In this big world I'm lonely, for I am but small,
Oh angels in heaven, don't you care for me at all?
You heard my heart breaking for it rang through the skies,
So why don't you sing me lullabies,
Oh why don't you sing me lullabies.

I lay here; I'm weeping for the stars they have come,
I lay here not sleeping; now the long night has begun.
The man in the moon, oh he can't help but cry,
For there's no one to sing me lullabies,
Oh there's no one to sing me lullabies.

So lay me down gently, oh lay me down low,
I fear I am broken and won't mend, I know .
One thing I ask when the stars light the skies,
Who now will sing me lullabies,
Oh who now will sing me lullabies.

Who will sing me to sleep
Who will sing me to sleep
Who will sing me to sleep
Who will sing me to sleep

Where do I begin?

Hi all. Sorry I raised so much concern from my last post. I'm doing a bit better. Much of that last post stemmed from over exhaustion and stress. I've been going to sleep really early since then and trying to maintain a clear mind and positive attitude. My husband has been wonderful and supportive through all this. I'm very blessed to have a man like him.
Today I went to my yoga class which helped IMMENSELY. They played music by Hotel Costes during yoga. It's a mix of all different songs and kinds of music but with more of an electronic dance club feel. It was surprisingly very relaxing and nice. So I'm going to add one here for you all. It's called "Where do I begin" originally sung by Shirly Bassey but remixed for the Hotel Costes Vol 3 album.
Please keep me in your prayers. Thank you.

Broken

I'm tired, I need to go to bed. But... I'm hurting so much right now. My heart is bleeding and I feel broken. Please, Please Lord. Why? Why? This isn't me and this isn't where I want to be. I want me back. Please, Please! When will this happen? I don't know if I can take any more. I hurt. I feel like I've been broken into a million pieces and all those pieces have been scattered everywhere. Right now it feels like they'll never be able to be put back together again. There's nothing more I can say now. You know how I'm feeling Lord and why. Please, Please, PLEASE Lord. Please. Why did you make me feel this way only to make me have to wait more? I'm so broken right now even I hardly recognize myself. please...




SURRENDER by Barlow Girl
My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen.
So many years I’ve shaped each one
Reflecting my heart, showing who I am.
Now you’re asking me to show
What I’m holding Oh so tightly.
Can’t open my hand; can’t let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can’t you let me go?

Surrender, surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can’t you see
My dreams are me, My dreams are me

Say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life.
Told me the world has yet to see
What you can do with one
That’s committed to your call.
I know of course what I should do
That I can’t hold these dreams forever.
But if I give them now to you
Will you take them
Away forever? Or can I dream again?

Surrender, surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can’t you see
My dreams are me, My dreams are me

Falling

Oy... Long weekend and I'm exhausted. Nothing seems to be right and I'm just bleh... I can't think logically at all. All I want to do is climb in my bed and sleep away today and maybe tomorrow. :( Right now? Yup. I feel like I'm falling...



FALLING
by Kate Rusby

Ya hear me shout when no one's about,
You find me where I can't be seen.
I feel the air flowing for life's in full swing,
So tell me why I cannot breathe.

And here I am falling,
Oh why am I falling.
Take me to where I belong.
I'm standing here falling,
Before you falling.
If it weren't for your wings I'd be gone.

Time moves on and time won't be long,
In time I will fear not the day.
I'm endlessly knowing that you'll never know
What I might want you to say.

And here I am falling,
Oh why am I falling.
Take me to where I belong.
I'm standing here falling,
Before you falling.
If it weren't for your wings I'd be gone.

My back it aches, my body it breaks;
To grow my own wings I have tried.
And painless I came no aim must remain,
Alone and adrift on the tide

But here I'm still falling,
Oh why am I falling.
Take me to where I belong.
I'm standing here falling,
Before you falling.
If it weren't for your wings I'd be gone.

And here I'm still falling,
Oh why am I falling.
Take me to where I belong.
I'm standing here falling,
Before you falling.
If it weren't for your wings
If it weren't for your wings I'd be gone